Jeremiah 17:10 I, the Lord, search and examine the mind, I test the heart, To give each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds.
For the past few years or so, ever since graduating Secondary school, I would often have dreams where a random little voice in my head would try to compensate my lack of spiritual dedication by commending me for my worldly accomplishments. From getting good CXC grades to getting a scholarship to getting degrees! And sometimes this little voice would even try to compliment me on how incredible I was for being independent and doing it all on my own; as if isolation and loneliness was some sort of prize.
Throughout my spiritual struggle, I would sometimes find myself having to wrestle away my worldly desires. Anytime I’d fall short, the little voice would always pop up in an attempt to reassure me that God knows my heart, trying to convince me to pretend that despite my actions that were unpleasing to God, everything would be okay. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I used to agree with that voice. After all I’m sure God would be proud of how smart and responsible I’ve become. However, soon enough, this little voice became less of a motivator and more of an enabler.
This little voice, which I now consider a pest, was only good for making excuses. I wish I had recognized sooner how those useless compliments inhibited my walk with God. Lately, during my interactions with God, while examining my life, I’ve noticed that I barely have anything to show when it comes to fruits of the spirit. Have I really made it anywhere in my spiritual journey if my fruits of the spirit are still little seedlings hanging on for dear life? I am grateful for all the strides and successes I’ve been blessed to achieve in my life thus far but I honestly have a burning desire to grow spiritually as well. As I continue my walk with God I pray that the results of my spiritual journey would be indicative of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.